Dear Jack,

I have been feeling more and more pregnant lately. My back hurts, I pee ALL the time, I take naps as often as you and I eat way too much chocolate. It has had me thinking about the new baby coming next year.

 

You had a little bit of a hard day- a few falls, late nap, people got too close to you at church, your toys were put away instead of all over the floor- quite a list of tragedy. We decided to put you in bed early. After an hour, you were still rolling around and blabbing so I went in to say hi. I scooped you up.

 

Now you are not a particularly snuggly boy. Lately, you've learned to hug, kiss and be 'gentle' but not really snuggly. But tonight, I held you in the rocking chair with your body sprawled over mine and your head resting in the crook of my arm. In the dim light, you blinked slowly as you looked at the nightlight designs on the ceiling. Then you looked in my eyes at smiled. Your face went blurry as my eyes filled with tears. Be my baby forever. Always fit in my arm and on my lap. Giggle at the smallest things.

 

No matter how many siblings you have, you are the baby that made me a mother. I love you. A part of you will never grow up in my heart.

 

Love, Mommy

Happiest Place on Earth

We took Jack to Disneyland for his first time. I have to admit, a part of me didn't think it would be worth taking him so young- he probably wont remember it, wouldn't like rides, would be cranky- all the usual things that would go through a mothers head. 

I am SO glad I didn't listen to myself. We had an amazing time. Jack loved all the rides we went on. He didn't get scared of the dark or loud noises. His favorite rides were Its a Small World and the Teacups. Buzz Lightyear was also fun because he found the lever that spins your seat- we went in circles the whole time. Colin was able to go on all the crazy rides with his brothers and nephews. I went on Space Mountain and Indiana Jones which was the extent of my intense rides. I am surprised I didn't throw up being pregnant but I LOVE those two rides. 

We went with Colin's family. Six kids, their parents and the grandparents. Quite the entourage but so fun. We spit into groups and did little kid rides, got fast passes, visited Mickey and Santa- we did it all.

I never went to Disneyland as a kid. I do not blame my parents. Its expensive and can be stressful. I can only imagine what loosing a kid at Disneyland would be like. Colin, on the other hand, went at least every two years of his life. He knows all the ins and outs of the park. We made this trip happen and it was worth every penny- the time with family, the smiles on Jacks face and the feeling you get from Christmas is Disneyland was so awesome. I can make it through the Holiday season now that we took a few days off for a family vacation.

Utah welcomed us home with a foot of snow right after we got back
. 

16 months- September 2013

How has it been that long? How has 16 months passed since that little potato sac came home with us? I cant believe it.

Jack is close to running. He sometimes gets too confident and trips but he marches everywhere like he's the boss. He started walking at 15 months.

Jack discovered his finger fits very nicely up his nose but hasn't noticed there is something else up there.

Jack only watches baby signing time. He can sign more, eat, milk, baby and sleep. His vocabulary is growing slowly but surely.

Jacks favorite thing to do with Daddy is throw balls outside in the yard. Not looking forward to winter. Jack is an outside boy.

Jack thinks hes down to one nap but he could really do with two. By 9:30am, he is exhausted. We have come up with creative ways to keep him happy and entertained so he can stay awake a little longer.

Jacks favorite snacks are Goldfish crackers and fruit snacks. He loves fruit. He hates carrots. He eats lettuce. He eats rice. He hates noodles. He eats black beans. This child makes no sense.

Jack loves books. The Library is the coolest place in the world. And we go there a lot.

Jacks latest fetish is buckets. Putting rocks in buckets. Putting dirt in buckets. Putting snacks in buckets. We have an assortment of inside and outside buckets.


Things in the Campbell house have been moving right along. Updating the house has been a slow but sure set of projects. The front room was such an eyesore. A fresh coat of paint and ripping up all the carpet and resanding the original hardwood floors made it feel like a whole new house! We have since put our family picture above the fireplace that was taken by Miriam! It looks awesome! All the stairs needed was a little patching and some paint and they were good to go!

Colin is running the Saint George Marathon in October- Only a few weeks away! Jack has been his personal trainer yelling instructions from the bike trailer. Its been fun to be part of Colin training making it a family affair!

I am teaching 17 students and I am at my max. I feel overwhelmed multiple times a week when Jack is unruly and screaming at my kids when they are trying to play for me. But music is such a great part of the kids lives and I am glad to be a part of it.

We are sad to see summer go once again but it has been a blast. We went to the park every week and Jacks favorite thing was the slide. Over and over and over. We visited Phoenix and went swimming more than once a day for a week. Jack is a regular at the hardware store with the mini shopping carts. He's a pro at running into isles and knocking things off. Wreckage wherever he goes. Always.

beautiful

When I think of beauty, I think of simple things. The finale of The Office aired a few months ago and I loved what Pam said, "There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Shouldn't that be the point?" I absolutely loved when she said that. That is how I want to live my life- finding joy and beauty in ordinary things. I try my darndest to capture those little things with a picture but there are some things and moments I just cant capture. They are so short. So fast. Like when Jack stacked tuna cans for the first time. I cried. I showed him how to do it and it clicked for him. His beautiful little body and brain try and try again until the pieces fit. There are few things more beautiful than watching a baby become a toddler become bigger and bigger right before your eyes. What a blessing. What a miracle. I want to find beauty in little things. Everyday things. I want to continue finding beauty in ordinary things. That's the point.

Mobile man

Jack is becoming more and more active. He is discovering that he has control of the world around him, and then again he doesn't. His ball rolled under the couch. After many attempts to reach it, he reduced to repeatedly running his head into the couch while yelling. So tragic.

He is also almost standing! He crawls so fast. People at church barely see him zoom by!

I have rambled before about being a mother. I love it. I breathe it. I don't want to do anything else. It makes me so sad when people tell me my life will be over when he starts crawling or starts walking or starts talking etc. I have embraced every change so far and it's been great. Jack gets happier with every new motor skill mastered therefor mommy is happier. As long as everything is high enough that he can't reach it, we are in the clear.

When Jack walks, I will cry. Not because my life is over but because he was born yesterday and I blinked.

5.12.2013

Mothers Day and Jacks birthday. Every few years Jack and I will have to share this day. Last year, Jack gave me the best Mother's Day present he could give- himself, coming the day before Mother's Day.

I feel overwhelmed as I reflect on the past year. So much has changed. But the thing I love the most is learning to stay at home and be a full time mom.

How can a full grown woman learn so much from such a small baby? He taught me how to love unconditionally, how to function on little to no sleep, how to reign in my frustrations, and how to enjoy the little things I would normally overlook. Like the little bead on the floor. Goes straight in his mouth.

It's true what people say. Motherhood pushes you to wits end. Sometimes, I literally want to throw something at the wall. But I have been blessed with the gift of select memory loss. I remember the sweet things and tend to block out the tantrums, screaming, food throwing and waking up in the middle of the night. This "gift" is truly a blessing!

Miriam took these photos of us yesterday at Jacks birthday party. We don't have good family photos like this of us. The tears flowed as I looked at my little family. It's not the cute random family I see in the ads. This is MY family. There is so much love. My mom asked me to write what it means to be a mother. To me, it's watching Jack grow into a toddler and along the way help him learn the hard knocks of life. Discover texture. Discover discomfort. Discover happiness. Discover the world. I feel like I'm discovering it with him. Being a mother is discovering the world in a whole new way. A more beautiful way.

And Happy Birthday Jack. I can't believe it's been a year. Best year of my life.

My Humboldt Home

I made a trek today. Flying for the first time with Jack. By myself. I was nervous. But we made it and we are at grandpa Ric and grandma Mary's house! No major meltdowns. Phew. I don't even want to think about the fight back next week. I'll get anxious again.

We drove from Medford, where we flew in, down to the coast. We hit Crescent City then through my favorite stretch of highway weaving around the most beautiful trees on earth. They reach up and disappear into the fog. Moss grows on everything. The moisture in the air comes through the vents of the car and you can smell home before you're even out of the car.

Then the ocean. Oh the ocean. The bluffs jet out of the waves and also disappear into the low hanging fog. Streams of sunlight peek through the clouds and shine off the long drawn out waves. The beach goes on forever. Rocks and driftwood liter the sand. Oh how I respect the ocean and its power. But I admire and love its majestic beauty.

I am glad to be home. No matter where I go in my life, this is always home.

Colin and I kneeled down to say our evening prayers. I started praying and got two sentences in when Colin started laughing uncontrollably. I had to cut the prayer short cuz neither of us could focus. I asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" He could barely tell me but finally got out, "I just had a flash of jack wearing his little gym shorts. He just looked so cute in them with his little bum and his big head." He had completely lost it. I, of course, joined in his hysteria partly because I couldn't believe what had made him laugh and partly because jack does look pretty ridiculously cute in those gym shorts.

I love moments like this. We talk, laugh about, and think about Jack every waking moment. Everything we do is for him. We love being parents.

I am out of practice blogging and don't even know where to start this post. So I'll just start.

Tonight, after putting Jack to bed I did my usual pickup, dishes, get ready for bed routine. I walked by Jacks room and the door was cracked. I swung it open and the hallway light showed his curled up little body in his crib. I couldn't help myself. I needed that little body. I scooped him up and brought him into my bed and laid next to him. I listened to his deep breathes as he sticked on his tongue in absence of a binki. I touched his cheek. I closed my eyes and cried. This little body, this little boy is the joy of my life. What was my life like before this kid was here? I don't remember and don't care. He is my future. He is my whole life. I didn't realize how much I could love a child until he came to me. He has taught me so much. He will always be my little boy. My "mini man."

And he better get used to snuggles. They will happen. He will live with them.